“I am sorry” is not apologizing

You must be shocked at the title of my post. I am, myself, very shocked when I read about it. It made me realised why I never felt any better from hearing this 3 words, supposedly very important but at the same time, doesn’t had much strength.

I was reading this book “Things I Wish I’d Known Before We Got Married” by Gary Chapman. I cannot express how effective Gary Chapman’s book has enlightened me and given me quite a bit of hope. Well, a relationship takes two hands to clap, and hence, it is not enough to be from just one person.

Assuming that you have no problem apologizing for what you have done wrong. Gary Chapman went on to say that there is 5 languages of apology – Cos’ what one person considers to be an apology is not what another person considers to be an apology. That is the reason why one party may not be able to appreciate an apology from another party.

5 Languages of Apology was summarised as follows:

  1. Expressing Regret
  2. Accepting Responsibility
  3. Making Restitution
  4. Genuinely expressing the desire to change your behavior
  5. Requesting Forgiveness

For examples & cases, you may purchase his book for a thorough reading. If not, I think it isn’t too hard just by interpreting from the 5 pointers above.

Basically, when one is apologising with an “I am sorry”, this doesn’t just stop there. What’s next? You are sorry for? And so what if you are sorry? What can you do? How to prevent the same thing from happening again? What is the solution?

I have finally came to realise how important it is to not avoid problems, but to face it and discuss a viable, sustainable & implementable solution.

We have been avoiding for years. Problems surfaced, unhappiness were expressed directly but no solution implemented. Problems repeat. Unhappiness increase.

Can these problems stay as it is? No, I doubt so.


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